| What do I do when my young child becomes | | | | The idea is that our job as parents is to keep |
| physically aggressive? | | | | everyone safe. This includes protecting young children |
| I'll tell you one thing that many of us wish would | | | | from doing damage to themselves, others, or |
| work but usually doesn't: Saying things like, "Stop | | | | property while their developing brains are still unable |
| that!" or "Don't do that!" from across the room. | | | | to control their impulsivity. We do a child no favor |
| When your young child starts using his or her body in | | | | when we let him hit or hurt us or anyone else. Since |
| a way you are not happy about, you'll probably need | | | | he's too young to be reliably in control of his body, |
| to use your body to intervene. If your child is hitting, | | | | especially while he's feeling strong emotion, we need |
| you'll gently catch his hand and hold it still or push it | | | | to be his external safeguard. |
| against something that is okay to hit. If your child is | | | | As we are gently containing, protecting, or |
| kicking, you'll gently catch her leg and move it in | | | | redirecting, it can be helpful for us to say, "I will keep |
| another direction. If your child is throwing, you'll gently | | | | us safe." This reminds us that our intention is |
| aim his arm at a safe target. If your child is flailing | | | | protection, not punishment. And it lets the child know |
| around, you'll gently hold her arms and legs wrapped | | | | that we are stepping in for the good of all |
| up in yours until she gathers her self control again. | | | | concerned, including the aggressor. |
| Notice how often the word gently shows up in those | | | | When a child is acting out physically, it's not a |
| sentences? Please use only exactly the amount of | | | | teachable moment. Trying to use words to stop or |
| force that is necessary to redirect, contain, or | | | | redirect the behavior at that point is sort of like |
| protect, and not one ounce more. In our parenting | | | | talking to a reptile. Emotions and learning don't mix. So |
| workshops, Robin and I call it "protective action," a | | | | take protective action until your child is calm enough |
| term we borrow from Marshall Rosenberg's | | | | to listen and talk. Then you can discuss alternative |
| Nonviolent Communication model. | | | | behaviors that will work better for him. |